why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
