He is such a slut. More and more my type.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
