I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
