He kissed a someone with a penis
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
