Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
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