Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
