he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
