my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
