I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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