we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
