I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
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