drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
