"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
