Texts From Last Night

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  (910): View more from North Carolina

  I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick

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  (910): I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick http://tfl.nu/ykrr
  Replies (23) Good night (689) Bad night (5717)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.

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  (860): I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes. http://tfl.nu/jq79
  Replies (9) Good night (586) Bad night (3552)
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  (269): View more from Michigan

  I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.

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  (269): I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience. http://tfl.nu/m1cq
  Replies (29) Good night (1219) Bad night (6601)
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  (716): View more from New York

  Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.

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  (716): Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public. http://tfl.nu/lwyj
  Replies (16) Good night (1538) Bad night (3680)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"

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  (412): I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this" http://tfl.nu/4n5n
  Replies (29) Good night (1696) Bad night (5262)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation

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  (303): there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation http://tfl.nu/pddg
  Replies (1) Good night (3002) Bad night (769)
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  (479): View more from Arkansas

  Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.

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  (479): Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes. http://tfl.nu/b7x1
  Replies (22) Good night (1500) Bad night (749)
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me

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  (814): the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me http://tfl.nu/xcf9
  Replies (13) Good night (1460) Bad night (533)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.

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  (513): Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse. http://tfl.nu/2bnv
  Replies (1) Good night (1022) Bad night (511)
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  (585): View more from New York

  I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.

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  (585): I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING. http://tfl.nu/4rg4
  Replies (14) Good night (1437) Bad night (418)
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  (714): View more from California

  How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?

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  (714): How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot? http://tfl.nu/pt30
  Replies (2) Good night (963) Bad night (349)
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  (850): View more from Florida

  He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.

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  (850): He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other. http://tfl.nu/l9kx
  Replies (9) Good night (468) Bad night (868)
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  (416): View more from Toronto

  cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.

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  (416): cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home. http://tfl.nu/bx4b
  Replies (3) Good night (1165) Bad night (379)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.

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  (614): I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD. http://tfl.nu/na70
  Replies (2) Good night (594) Bad night (269)
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  (520): View more from Arizona

  Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.

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  (520): Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband. http://tfl.nu/8kmu
  Replies (2) Good night (345) Bad night (671)

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