First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.