So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
These 25 Teachers Said Horrible Things to Their Students
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner