Texts From Last Night

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  (248): View more from Michigan

  It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now

  (248): View more from Michigan

  I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!

  (248): View more from Michigan

  I am absolutely hammered

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  (248): It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now (248): I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!! (248): I am absolutely hammered http://tfl.nu/lexm
  Replies (2) Good night (2038) Bad night (768)
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.

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  (410): it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job. http://tfl.nu/iasx
  Replies (12) Good night (505) Bad night (3062)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.

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  (720): dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head. http://tfl.nu/xkz0
  Replies (91) Good night (2831) Bad night (1068)
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning

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  (917): the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning http://tfl.nu/3svo
  Replies (10) Good night (5439) Bad night (671)
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?

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  (919): Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus? http://tfl.nu/9yje
  Replies (22) Good night (813) Bad night (4057)
• Favorite

  (573): View more from Missouri

  My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.

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  (573): My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly. http://tfl.nu/go2x
  Replies (7) Good night (7064) Bad night (970)
• Favorite

  (862): View more from New Jersey

  win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight

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  (862): win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight http://tfl.nu/0j1g
  Replies (22) Good night (3672) Bad night (1427)
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.

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  (757): Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you. http://tfl.nu/fb35
  Replies (24) Good night (1767) Bad night (5319)
• Favorite

  (319): View more from Iowa

  the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".

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  (319): the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy". http://tfl.nu/gh3y
  Replies (9) Good night (4304) Bad night (1465)
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight

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  (207): She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight http://tfl.nu/6sqo
  Replies (17) Good night (3028) Bad night (882)
• Favorite

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him

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  (859): I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him http://tfl.nu/eehd
  Replies (10) Good night (1136) Bad night (449)
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.

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  (609): I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot. http://tfl.nu/64ct
  Replies (14) Good night (2456) Bad night (653)
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?

  (1-954): View more from Florida

  I thought I was just out of shape.

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  (954): How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck? (1-954): I thought I was just out of shape. http://tfl.nu/t7eu
  Replies (0) Good night (513) Bad night (430)
• Favorite

  (931): View more from Tennessee

  What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."

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  (931): What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed." http://tfl.nu/pp3s
  Replies (3) Good night (517) Bad night (218)
• Favorite

  (514): View more from Quebec

  I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.

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  (514): I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is. http://tfl.nu/4ifb
  Replies (9) Good night (549) Bad night (391)

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