I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...