I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
21 Ladies Reveal The Sexiest Thing A Man Can Do In A Public Setting
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright