I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on