If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
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Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
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Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.