I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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