he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
