Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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