Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
