you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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