tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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