Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I think I died a long time ago.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
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the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
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I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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