toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
