What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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