i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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