they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize