We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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