I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
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