Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize