So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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