You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
