Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
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