I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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