i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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