we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
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