oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
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