like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
