I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
