if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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