I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
