I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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