good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
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I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
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If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
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