Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
