I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Randomize
