Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
