Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
