I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
