Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
