So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
