I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Randomize