she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I'm like, not good at living.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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