is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
