My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
