I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
