Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
