My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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