Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
