already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
either way he was missing a nipple.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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