R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
