I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize