In the future we'll all be gay
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
