history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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