So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
