You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize