Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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