If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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