he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize