i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
