Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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