Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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